well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
