You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
DRUNK COOKIES
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