I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I puked a lego.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize