Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
