her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
