i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
