Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
