Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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