the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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