Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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