hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize