i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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