He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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