Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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