Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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