How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize