ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
