Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
