He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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