the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
