Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
