3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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