he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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