chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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