I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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