Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize