I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
