she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
