I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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