Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
