Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
