So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize