dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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