dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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