The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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