you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
smell my finger.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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