if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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