Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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