yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize