guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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