So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
