Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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