If i could tip my vagina, i would.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
