You can't motorboat a personality
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
