I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
