he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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