I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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