Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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