My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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