Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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