it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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