Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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