dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
