I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
