guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
