I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
