On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize