if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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