I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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