So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
