I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize