Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
