Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
