I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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