i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize