you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
