she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
