The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
