Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
