New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
