Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
