I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
