16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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