So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
