So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
