I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
