She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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