I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
