im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
