He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
