Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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