Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
