If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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