Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
