I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
