the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
