I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
