I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
