My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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