It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
