I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
