Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As shirtless as possible
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
