so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
