No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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