All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
