Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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