Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize