Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
