You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
