here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
